I've decided I have social anxiety disorder...I was thinking about how screwed up some of things I do are, and some of the things I say are and it social anxiety disorder sounds almost exactly like what I've got. For example? I've been talking to this awesome girl over the Internet for the past month or so...2 weeks ago she gives me her number and I call her, we talk for about an hour and then I never call again...why? because I got so worried that if I called I'd say the wrong thing or she'd think I was pestering her or whatever, so much so that she wouldn't want to meet me. Thinking about, I knew it was ridiculous and that she was probably waiting for me to call back, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So now, I've pissed her off and freaked her out (since I tried to explain why I hadn't called), so...yeah, I fucked it. Just nerves you say? How about this? My buddies' wedding in July, I'm talking to a guy who used to be my best friend in elementary school who I hadn't talked to in a long time...he tells me he's going up to a cottage the next weekend with a few guys and would really like it if I'd go...I was a bit nervous but I said sure and said I'd call to work out the details...did I call? Of course not! Why you ask? BECAUSE I AM A FUCKING MORON! And it goes on from there...why did I fuck up in university? Because I was so god damned nervous about everything and introverted that I couldn't admit to anyone that I needed help! Why did I have no friends all through high school? Because when I changed schools and didn't know anyone anymore, I couldn't make any new friends because I couldn't get the nerve up to actually talk to anyone! Why am I 24 and never even been on a date? Other than the fact that I'm a fat slob that is? Because I have absolutely no self-esteem, and apparently have no balls....so now that my self-diagnosis is complete, what am I going to do about this? In all likely hood nothing. Christ, I haven't even been to the doctor, not even for a checkup or anything, since my first year of highschool, which was 10 years ago! And you think I'm going to go to a shrink? Not bloody likely. No, I'll probably just wallow in my self-doubt for the rest of my life...probably end up drinking myself to death, who knows?