I don't know why, but I've been feeling very lonely lately, romantically I mean. True, its nothing new since I'm a 25 year old loser without even a simple kiss on my romantic resume, but for whatever reason, recently the pangs have become more acute.

I went back on Lavalife, which I hadn't used in at least a year. Maybe its because I'm too chicken to initiate anything, but I've never exchanged more than one e-mail with anyone through there. In the 'intimate encounters' section, I came across a profile from a woman who said she was an 'inexperienced virigin looking for a teacher'. I e-mailed her, saying I'm inexperienced too, maybe we could teach other, you know, trying to be all sensitive and stuff. No e-mail back yet and its been a week...even virgins with a 'few extra pounds' (ie, fat, just like me) reject me.

I've also been giving more thought to going to a rub and tug or getting an escort or something. I think to myself, maybe if I just got the actual act out of the way I would get some sort of self-confidence (although in the back of my mind I strongly doubt it). Then I start thinking, how good could it really be if I'm paying some chick at a massage parlour $80 for a hand job? After, maybe I'd feel empty. Or if I got an escort (I could never pick up a hooker off the street, too paranoid), if it was just a wham-bam-thank you ma'am sort of thing, I don't believe I'd feel satisfied. Either that, or I'd become so infatuated with the woman, I'd blow all my life savings on seeing her. Plus, I wonder if it would be kind of weird to tell an escort that she's my first, maybe that would weird her out? I guess I'm probably more interested in a relationship than just a quick lay.

Ahh well, guess I'll have to be satisfied with computer porn and my right hand.